An Interpersonal and Collaborative Response to ANGER
With the help of Gestault Therapy
Contents
Introduction
1. The EXAMPLE Case
2. Interpersonal and Collaborative Process
3. Gestault Hot Chair Method
4. Thologising for a Proper Pastoral Concern
Conclusion
Introduction
Anger leads to so much of havoc in every levels of life. Madly possessed by rage, people become so destructive. As we are basically social beings our anger does have negative repercussions on our friends, family members, neighbours and so many others who come into contact with us. My concern here is to present the condition of a furious person and prove how an interpersonal and collaborative process engaged in counseling can facilitate wonderful changes in such persons with the help of Gestault Hot chair method.
1. The Case
Mr. Amalraj, lost his only beloved sister in a bus accident as she and her husband had gone for a burial. She had two children, a girl of 11 years old and a boy of 9 years old. After a year, his brother- in -Law married another woman and now the situation is such that the children are badly treated. His brother- in -Law is not bothered about all these. Mr.Amalraj has his own family to be looked after. His wife does not encourage him to help his sister’s children.
2. Interpersonal and Collaborative Process
The fact that counselling needs to be interpersonal enlightened me to consciously promote the one to one process in dealing with Mr.Amalraj and avoid consuming the whole time of the session myself. Also, it called for a personal involvement in dealing with him since the counseling needs to be basically a collaborative process. I was also aware that I was going to deal with a person not with an object.
After a short personal prayer, I initiated small talks to get acquainted with him with an open posture, leaning forward, personal eying. It went, “Did you have your lunch?” He said, “I had it here in one of the hotels.” “Here in Nagercoil you can have a better meal in hotel. And how was the meal?” I asked. He said, “It was Okay.” The small talks continued with a higher improvement.
As I could see him gradually gaining confidentiality, I invited him to enter into the issue. I said, “What do you feel like sharing with me, Mr.Amalraj?” He started to open up the issue beautifully. He repeatedly said, “I can no more tolerate him. The mere thinking of him makes me furious. He is never mindful of the children. It drives me go mad! I will avenge him by all means.”
In order to get into his mind I was conscious to engage myself in a total listening. I could sense an internal noise that I was preoccupied with the amount I had to settle with the Purser that day. I became conscious of it.
I was particular to give an assurance to him with an understanding response. I observed the feeling words and they were in some way or other strong expressions of anger. I said, “It makes you so furious that your Brother-in-law is not at all bothered about the children.”
I could observe him getting more and more comfortable with me. I was gentle and firm in dealing with him. He was freely expressing himself. He was very collaborative too. I asked him whether he would be ready for a therapeutic treatment. I began to explain to him the nature and use of the Gestault Hot Chair Method proposed by Fritz Pearls. After his consent, we entered into the Gestault Hot Chair Method.
3. Gestault Hot Chair Method
I started guiding him with the Hot Chair method by taking my position in his left side.
ü Asked him to be aware of the unfinished anger that was fuming within him. He took a few minutes to give me a sign.
ü Invited him to imagine that the person who affected him is seated in front of him in the chair placed.
ü He was asked to pour out to the person all that he wanted. He was asked to talk to all the negative images he had about that person. He was told that there was no place for ethics in talking so. He began to pour out with aggressive and abusive words. A pillow was placed on the chair and he was asked to express his anger by beating the pillow as much as he wanted. He was beating the pillow very hard with a loud noise. Asked him to do it as much as he could. He became really tired and thereby, I asked him to relax for sometime.
ü And then, asked him to imagine and listen to his Brother -in -law responding to him from the chair in front of him. He was seriously involved in listening.
ü Asked him whether he would be able to reconcile with his Brother- in -law. There was a deep silence but it seemed to be quiet positive. He wanted to have an open dialogue with his Brother – in-law.
We tried to reframe the whole problem finding some alternatives to reconcile with his brother-in- Law. Things improved to a greater extent after a sequence of counseling sessions.
4. What shall be our Response
I am aware that the entire humanity suffocates due to the factors of excessive anger leading to destruction. I reckon consciously that every furious person is badly in need of an authentic reconciliation with fellow human persons, nature and God. Surely, the priests are not an exception to that. Counseling basically builds up a reconciled community. As priests we should be gentle in dealing with the people and be conscious not to victimise anyone to our anger. If we can do that we would truly be an authentic community builder. People want the priests to deal with their problems like unnecessarily getting anger, low self esteem, etc. People expect “the priests to be a haven in their troubles, an answer man to their worries, and an immovable pillar in a changing world.”[1]
Jesus was basically a reconciler who bridged the humanity with the Father. More so, he brought the individuals of various motivations together. This is very well witnessed in his selection of disciples from various walks of life yet establishing a group messianic attitude with each other.
Counseling gives a concrete expression to the sacrament of reconciliation in giving enough hope to the Christians who increasingly heap up their dissatisfaction about this sacrament. I strongly feel that the sacrament of reconciliation is extremely mechanical, monotonous, magical, rigorous, artificial and monopolized by the clergy and so it needs to be expressed in several other ways such as counseling.
Jesus was so human, gentle and generous to the sinners. He was able to say, “Neither do I condemn you, go your way, and from now on do not sin again.” (Jn 8:11). Counseling requires this beautiful attitude of Jesus in dealing with the wounded people.
Someone’s secret is sacred. Jesus condemned every trace of betrayal. Counselor needs to assure confidentiality to the client in several ways. A sincere disclosure of oneself to someone requires a ground of true friendship, complete trust and genuine love. The counselor and the client should have a proper atmosphere. We cannot expect any possibility of interiority or true change of heart in an undue atmosphere.
I am glad that the Vatican II has rightly felt the need of revising the sacrament of reconciliation “in order to more clearly express both the nature and the effect of the sacrament (S.C. No 72).”[2] I aspire and pray that the Catholic Church may seriously implement the renewals by the Vatican II and promote a more human way of approaching the sacrament of reconciliation.
The Catholic Church must insist on the call of every Christian to move from the sin-solidarity to saving solidarity. When one of our brothers or sisters is angry for some reason we need to attend to the person to express our solidarity.
It is true that the humanity is tormented due to various divisions. People wait for their own turn to retaliate against each other. The unfinished business in everyone is a challenge to a harmonious society. Our priority as Christians is to build up a reconciled community which is also the aim of counseling. Therefore, the Catholic Church should foster counseling more and more as it has become a beautiful expression of the sacrament of reconciliation.
Conclusion
In the busy immediacy of life, people find considerably no time to have an open sharing of anything. Their strong emotions like anger are hoarded up. They would burst out anytime causing so much of trouble for the individuals and the society in a wider level. Everyone especially every Christian is called to live a reconciled life. In such a plight, counseling proves to be a boon in facilitating changes in the furious persons. If we love our neighbours, the nature, God and ourselves unselfishly, we would truly try to be very good counselors reconciling every one we encounter.[1] John H.Mcgoey, The Priest and the Priesthood (Dublin: Clonmore and Reynolds Ltd, 1961), p.106.
[2] Jaques Dupuis,ed.,The Christian Faith, 7th ed. (Bangalore: Theological Publications in India, 2004) p.684.
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